The Great Haze part 5

The next day, I awoke with the usual string of messages on my mobile phone. Different people who want different things, each message is a plea for attention. Never relenting with this soulless barrage of incessant necessities, each message is an urge for something; from credit card offers to queries on my current state of consciousness. They wake me from my haze of nightmares, wicked dreams filled with blood lust and shrill screams. Over and over, they play like taped messages blaring inside my skull. Each night they resonate and desensitize me, and as each dusk turns to dawn I find myself slowly enjoying them yet still waking up drenched in cold sweat. Exhilarating and mind-numbingly disturbing at the same time.

Sometimes I find myself preferring the deep embrace of sleep to what I have dubbed as "The Land of The Living," otherwise known as "daylight." It would be so much sweeter to stay in dreamland, to be free to lose myself in the twisted desires my mind plays out for me each night. I finally get out of bed and proceed to go with my daily workout, which keeps me "vibrant" throughout the day. I took a shower, proceeded with breakfast and went about my daily routine. I finally drive off in my car and strap myself in with the little people.

At lunch, I sat across a "colleague" of mine. He insists on telling me about his wild weekend, his yammering a bundle idiotic expressions intertwined with stories of his lewdness. I imagine taking his head and repeatedly banging his head on the table until his blood fills his tray, and time my smile to simulate that I'm proud of this weak, pathetic fool. Lunch ends with the two of us laughing together, as the moron smiles and agrees as I berate his person. I didn't know they allowed such clueless idiots in these parts of the building.

After work, I smile and bid these people farewell and proceed to meet some friends at this prestigious club we've been recently attending. We meet up and compare ourselves to each other and proceed to laugh at all the freaks around us. Mauro introduces us to his new girlfriend, a challenging score who obviously keeps him around for his massive quantities of coke on hand. Security knows better than to bother us with petty laws and regulations, as they know that each of us can buy the very club that houses us with but a handshake.

end of part 5

The Great Haze part 4

"It was getting stale. You know how when cigarettes sit for days on end and their taste changes? It kind of gets like you're smoking dried, rolled up feces." I was running out of excuses. Everybody was telling me that dropping Jeanie was the dumbest thing I had done. Friends were saying that what we had was a good thing, and they kept bugging me for reasons as to why I let Jeanie go. To be honest, I was getting kind of sick of repeating myself. I wanted to write a note explaining why I broke up with Jeanie, then tape it to my forehead so that these buggers would stop it already with the same old questions, day in and day out. If only I had a real answer to give. I think they knew I was bullshitting my way out of further questions by giving these lame analogies.

Jeanie was a model for Cal Carrie's when I met her. She had a penchant for proving to other people that she wasn't just another pretty face. She immersed herself in the arts and had chanced upon a party where I was spinning. I was surprised she knew the songs I sampled in my mixes and even more surprised when she actually sat down to listen to one of my drawn out litanies on philosophy, life, and existence. Once she actually nodded and agreed when I said I believed aliens existed, I knew she was a fake. But, she was hot and I was drunk and horny, so I took her home anyway. Oh, and the sex was good too.

From then, life began to become somewhat interesting again. We would go to parties, gigs and art shows. We were seen as a power couple, and we acted the part too. "Oh, you guys are such a cute couple." "Lots of girls/guys must cry their eyes out whenever they see the two of you together." "Your kids are going to be so cute." And all those other overused phrases people liked to use. Kids. They even mentioned us having kids.

But, as with other women, she lacked that certain something which eventually drew me away from taking things too seriously. Now that i think of it, I don't think I even took her seriously at all. I didn't let anyone know except Stacy, of course. Everyone thought that I was finally settling down, that little old me had finally been grounded. I could fool everyone but what really frustrated me was that I couldn't fool myself.

end of part 4

The Great Haze part 3

The days have been routine, boring at best. Fresh out of college and into a corporate office, Jesus look at all those ties. Out of the pot and into the flame my ass. All that ass kissing and fake smiles make me sick to my stomach. Of course, it doesn't help that I never had to climb the ranks, either. Executive vice-president, south wing. I thought this would be like a never ending episode of The Apprentice, but the people around me have personalities and their own opinions as much as bowlers have athletic ability. I swear, these people are almost like sheep. I like to refer to them as "sheeple."

The only consolation for this shit job is I get to be on top and piss on everybody below me, metaphorically speaking, of course. "Good morning sir, how was your weekend?" "Sir, there is a fruit basket for you from Fairtex Cambodia." Jesus Christ, how much fruit can you possibly eat in two weeks? I could say "Fuck you, ass hat." and ignore the Cambodian bastards plea for more money but of course, I'll have my secretary write a thank you note and would always reply, "Fine, how was yours?" like I was genuinely interested. That's how big business works. As a matter of fact, that's how society pretty much works. The more you supress your instincts, the more civilized you are. And I don't even like The Apprentice.

End of Chapter 3

The Great Haze parts 1 and 2

"You still love her don't you?" she asked as I sat bored amidst the lights and sounds to which I replied, "It's not that. It's just that coming here isn't doing what I thought it would do to me." "Come on, I'll split this tab with you," she said as she bit off half of her E. "I'm kind of not in the mood for this tonight, can we do this some other time?" the moment that left my lips, I knew that fireworks would ensue. "What?! Are you tired of fucking me?!" she exploded. "Now that you mention it, yeah." "What, that you still love her?" "No, that I'm tired of fucking you." She threw the contents of her vodkabull at me and walked away.

"Hey bro, what the fuck was that all about? I saw--" James began as he resumed his seat. "Let her go, stupid bitch isn't worth it." I said. James started his whole speech again, "Look, man. What you're doing right now, it's not right. It's fucked up. Come on, let's get out of here and--" before he could finish his sentence, I replied, "Look, I didn't come here for your pity." I saw the disappointment in James' eyes. "That came out wrong, I'm sorry bro." Silence from both sides ensued. All i could say after was, "I'll be in the moshpit if you need me." With a look of bewilderment he simply said, "Yeah."

What was merely around ten minutes in the dance floor seemed like an eternity, as I stood there in the middle of a sea of bodies. I was drunk off my mind, and my blood was laced with enough designer drugs to OD four people. Staring at the lights, I could honestly say that in those moments, a certain peace that had eluded me for years shined upon me like an angel gently descending from the heavens themselves. I danced and I danced and I danced some more. The more I danced, the less empty I felt. Who would've thought that solace could be found on the dance floor?

Three songs later, my body was beginning to weaken and clouds formed at the corners of my mind. I guess the alcohol and the drugs were wearing off, and all I could do was fall on my knees and look to the ground, as the sea of bodies continued to sway.

end of chapter one

"Are you awake?" a female voice said. I opened my eyes and let them focus for a second. It was just Stacy, one of my closest friends. "You might want to warn me the next time you plan to pass out in a club. Geez." "How did you--" I began, but she cut me off. "James texted me." I smiled as best as I could. She continued, "Also, Jeanie left this at your door." I groaned, a massive migraine suddenly came upon me as I sat up. "Lie back down." she said as she gently pushed me back. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to do that to me." I coyly said, trying to be as charming as I could dressed in my underwear. "Shut up." she said, as I stared at my copy of, or what was left of, the hard copy of my prized thesis.

"What a bitch." I said. "You're no prince yourself, asshole." she laughed as I winced at the remains of my thesis. I had loaned it to Jeanie because she said she wanted to see what the fuss is all about regarding my multi-awarded thesis. She was one of those pseudo-intellectuals who feigned interest at anything that knowing about would get her in with the cool crowd. Stacy broke into my thoughts. "Seriously, until when are you going to do this?" she asked. "Do what?" I answered. "You know what I'm talking about." She seemed serious, so I tried to give as straight an answer as I could. "I don't know." An exasperated look flashed in her eyes. "Sometimes I just don't understand you." she said. "I don't think people come with instruction manuals anyway." I said.

end of chapter two